Why I do not do Resolutions

            I recently read a Calvin and Hobbes cartoon in which Calvin says to Hobbes, “Resolutions? Me? What are you implying? That I need to change? Well, buddy, as far as I am concerned, I am perfect in every way.”

My lack of interest in making resolutions is not a fear of a change. Rather, because I value change, I do not make such resolutions. Obviously, if you have found a way to make them work in your life, you need to keep at it. My assumption is that most of us need to change. At the end of the year, in that entire span of time from Thanksgiving to the New Year, I like to engage in some meditation and reflection that. I like to think it helps me see some things about me that need change. If the end of the year encourages you to do that, the people around you will be grateful.

I do not make resolutions in part because I believe that moving toward being the person God wants me to be is a daily charge I have from God. Daily, I want my life transformed into the image of Christ. I always need to be willing to leave behind the sins that hold me back from being that person God wants me to be.

            One disturbing element of resolutions is that we often “resolve” to do at that time of year things we ought to have started doing far earlier. From what I have read, resolutions tend to be around matters related to time with family and doing more things to improve self-care, whether for the mind, the soul, or the body. We are into “wellness” this time of year. Even Anytime Fitness in Logansport was full a few days ago. I have also read that many people want to spend less time on Facebook. Of course, they posted this … on Facebook.

            According to Psychology Today, resolutions fail because they do not get to the real heart of what is going on inside of us. Here is how Michael Bader puts it:

"We don't develop self-destructive behaviors because we're weak, or because 'they just became a habit,' or because everyone around us was doing them, or because of our neurobiology or heredity. The meaning of these behaviors is unconscious and we develop them because they serve unconscious beliefs and needs. These beliefs and needs are important, albeit unconscious, building blocks of our identities. They provide a sense of unconscious safety, and changing them is unconsciously experienced as dangerous."

            What I read here is that we do things, or do not do things, because they reflect either conscious or unconscious needs or desires that already reflect whom we are and what we want to be. More pointedly, such rules may pull us back from who we desire to be. Your life is already following a rule, whether you have consciously chosen it or not, a rule that accomplishes something that you need, desire, or want, again, whether you are aware or not. That explains why so many resolutions fail. They tinker around at the edges, instead of helping us look honestly at the person we have become and the person we desire to be.

            Marjorie Thompson, in Soul Feast (1995) concludes her book by reflecting on the importance of developing a rule of life. She uses some examples of the rules of life others have developed. Her point is that if we are to grow our souls, we will need some type of structure. We need to look honestly at our character and our circumstances as we develop a realistic rule of life for this stage of our lives. If we are to be successful at incorporating a new structure in our lives, we will need to share with a friend or spiritual director and be part of the Body of Christ.

            As I have reflected on the notion of having a rule of life, I realize that I have developed some rules, some of which are quite good, while others, not so much. I will not bore you with them, but being able to state the rules that already guide our lives could be a helpful exercise.

            One more thing that disturbs me about New Year’s resolutions is the assumption that you are strong enough to resolve to make a change that you probably needed to make years ago. The fact is, I think, we are all quite frail in our attempts to make needed changes. We need the type of help to which Marjorie Thompson refers. We need the encouragement to keep on the path when we fail or succumb to the temptation to fall away.

            Yes, I am all for change. I am all for taking time on a regular basis to reflect prayerfully on our lives, and the end of the year may be a good time to do that. Yet, change is also a daily openness to God and to others. Make the changes as you see the need to make them.

            By the way, I can think of many passages in the Bible that can be of help in our desire to be a new person, a better person. I bet you can as well.