Personal Reflections on Prom, Graduation, and Graduation

I am thinking about prom, high school graduation, and confirmation today. I am especially thinking of their cost.

I attended Austin High School in Austin, MN.

Here is my graduation picture.

Here is the school fight song:

 

Fight, Fight, Fight for Old Austin High

We're gonna win this victory

Win, Win, Win for Old Austin High

Winners we'll always be

Rah, Rah, Rah!

Go, Go, Go for Scarlet and White

Our colors stand for might

Waving to those courageous and bold

so, FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT!

A...U...S...TIN!

 

If you look at a map, you will see Albert Lea just a few miles away, and it was our main Big Nine conference rivals. I tried out for a football once, and lasted one practice. For some reason, I did not try out for baseball, but thoroughly enjoyed the summer leagues. In any case, involvement in school activities was not a strength of mine. My involvement in the Young Democrats led me to participate in a march against the Vietnam War. I gave a brief talk against our involvement at a meeting in the basement of a church, I think.

I received Cs and Bs until grade 9, and finally got an A in Algebra, the last good math grade I received. Grades 11 and 12 were As and Bs. I graduated `122 out of 557 with a 2.8 average. My IQ tested 102 in grade 9.

In some ways, such thoughts are difficult for me. I think I went to a High School dance, but I do not remember it well. I think I worked up the courage to ask a girl to dance, but I have a fuzzy memory of it all. I do not recall going to the prom. I vaguely remember wanting to go, but too afraid to show up alone. Not many dates for me.

I wish I could say that I was passionate about something, but I am not sure I can. I kept wondering what I would do with my life.

For many youth, today, however, prom can be expensive. Slinky dress from Nordstrom: $250. Rented tuxedo with shoes: $150. Stretch limousine for 18: $250 per hour, four-hour minimum. A perfect night at the prom:  Priceless.

Right. Of course, do not forget the flowers, the jewelry, the manicure, the pedicure, the tanning salon, the hair do, the professional photographs, the pre-prom dinner, the post-prom party and the actual tickets to get into the dance.

For youth in Junior High, they can look ahead and see that they should start saving for the big day. I am not sure what the average cost of the prom is today, but a few years ago, it was $1000 per person in some areas of the country.

Even if you do not go to the prom, a night with friends can be expensive. Meeting the gang for pizza and a movie with popcorn and drinks this Saturday night might set you back $50. Real dating involves some serious coin.

Like the prom, high school dating remains a rite of passage for teenagers, but it comes with a cost. Teenagers spend more than $100 billion each year on everything from hamburgers and DVD rentals on an average weekend, to hairdressers and Humvee rentals for prom weekend. Traditional allowances do not begin to cover the costs. Mom and Dad usually pick up the tab.

Yet, this same general period, the 1960s, was also a time that I became involved in a church. Its Sunday school and youth group were important to me. It was I learned about the Bible. It was where I saw Christian parents and adults. I saw something there that I knew I needed in my life. I did not see much Christianity at home, but mom did the best she could in that area. Although we did not have confirmation, I was slowly learning what it meant to be Christian.

It may well be that our confirmands today, now in junior high, are watching the older kids fork out the big bucks. Prom weekend. Road trips. Pizza parties. However, they already know something about this. They have been preparing for months now for their own once-in-a-lifetime, what-we've-all-been-waiting-for experience. We told you it would not be cheap. 

I came to a place where going to church in my youth was not something mom made me do. True, that is the way it was in the beginning. It did not take long, however, when relating to other youth at church and to the adults teaching us became important. I wanted to be there. It meant rising early on Sunday morning. It might being present at youth group Sunday evening, when sometimes I would have liked to rest, watch television (yes, we had television then), or be with some friends.

However, we did not have an experience called “confirmation.”

For some United Methodist youth, since the day of their baptisms - their parents brought them forward as an infant wearing the family christening gown or whether they stood at the font on their own two feet, or the preacher dunked them in the baptistery, swimming pool, lake or river - this is the moment they have been waiting for: confirmation.

Okay, so their parents made them go to confirmation class. Good for them. That only means they already know about self-denial. They wanted to stay home and veg out in front of the TV, but had to go to confirmation class instead.

Their friends spent the lunch period talking about smack-down wrestling on TV, but they missed it because they were out feeding the homeless with your church?

They missed a Saturday night party because they were on a retreat with the youth group.

They wear their "My-parents-made-me-do-it" badge with honor.

However, along the way, something has happened. They have learned that the things that are important, whether prom, hanging out with friends, parties, or even confirmation, usually have a price tag.

I recall some of my classmates enjoying High School fully. They also learned to give themselves fully to something, whether in sports or in academics. They were very good at it. That was another type of cost. They stayed after school, practiced, and worked out. It took me until my third year in college that it would require some sacrifice, some giving of myself to something I valued, before such costs were part of my life. In fact, one of the things I learned, and must continue to learn, is that nothing worthwhile in life is free. A happy life, a joyful life, comes with a cost. You have come to a point of giving yourself fully.

I think that is something of what Jesus meant when he said,

 

"If any want to become my followers, let them deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me. 35 For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. 36 For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? 37 Indeed, what can they give in return for their life? (Mark 8:34-37) 

            Too many of us think confirmation is just another rite of passage, a photo op, something to make the grandparents happy, a great reason for a party. It is part of growing up when you are a Christian. Here is the problem for our youth. To Jesus, being grown up apparently means denying yourself, taking up your cross, and following him.

            Dare I say this? I am still learning what that means.

What we try to teach in confirmation is that, as valuable as so many things are in this life, the most important thing is to be right with Jesus.

Does this mean you can never spring for a manicure or diamond stud cuff links? Does this mean you cannot follow the latest trends? Such things are compatible with following Christ. However, being a disciple of Christ means than you at least raise the question. We learn that God is not impressed with people who gain the wealth, popularity, power, and influence in the world, while forfeiting what is essential who you are. He called it soul. Do not sacrifice that to the whims of this world.

If confirmation class has taught us nothing but this, it is worth it: What we are inside is more important than who we are on the outside. The riches of the soul are worth more than the wealth of the world. When we learn that, we have learned all there is to know.

Unfortunately, we adults have often failed to provide an example of the genuine costs involved in being a disciple of Jesus Christ, one that bears the cross and denies the self. Children without good role models are at a serious disadvantage. I have seen far too many youth in the church go off to college and turn their backs on their faith. Part of the reason, I think, is that they need to see it operate in the lives of people around them.
 

            What happens after confirmation makes all the difference. Whether adults or adolescents, we must resist the temptation to simply follow the expectations of others and opt instead to live up to the expectations of Jesus the Christ. There is probably no such thing as a free lunch, and Jesus says there is no such thing as a free life. Life costs, especially when it is a life lived with integrity.