Mirrors: Am I Handsome/Beautiful?

The image of the mirror in James 1:23 brings to mind the concern most of us have for how we “look.” Am I beautiful or handsome? Am I ugly?

I have a picture of me when I was something like 10 or 12. I also have one from a bit later, graduating from High School in the Spring of 1970. I was about 18. I was so self-conscious. Most of my teen years, the 1960s, Dad insisted that I receive a “burr” haircut. The problem in my eyes, however, was my ears were too big for my head. When the Beatles made long hair popular, I so much wanted to let my hair grow, at least to my ears, to cover them up a little.

In those years, the teen and early 20s, I suspect most of us, unless you were one of the lucky ones whom everyone thought of as handsome or beautiful, go through a phase of wondering if we are attractive.

I came across an article in which this expressed itself in a sad way on YouTube.

Her screen name is "sgal901" -- and she wants to know if she is pretty or if she is ugly. Rather than ask her parents or ponder it with her friends, this middle-school student decides instead to pose the question to the world at large, via YouTube.

That is right. Smiling sweetly at her laptop and donning a knit-cap made to look like a koala bear "sgal901" does what middle school girls do: She complains of being called ugly by some and "oh-my-gosh-so-beautiful" by others. Rather than simply lamenting the craziness and confusion of being 13 years old through scribbles in a diary, this is, after all, the digital age, "sgal" has turned to the Internet for insight. Is she pretty? Or is she ugly? Of course, the Internet has responded. This one young girl's public pondering of her own beauty has received more than 5.5 million views and racked up over 130,000 comments.

This girl is not alone. In fact, she is representative of a growing trend among young girls who have been jumping on sites like YouTube and Facebook by the thousands and begging sweetly, albeit very naively, for input on their level of attractiveness. As you might imagine the fad has many a parent of a "tween-age" girl looking to toss the laptop in the trash, retreat to an Amish community and lock their daughter away until the age of 30.

Yet, if we ponder what it is that is truly bothersome about this trend, one must admit that it is not the fact that kids are wondering whether or not they are attractive. No, that question is a common and constant one, not just among adolescents but also among every adult who owns a mirror. The question itself is normal.

The audience for it makes all the difference.

For an insecure child looking to affirm her self-worth, the anonymous world of YouTube commentators is probably the worst of audiences. It is a world comprised of unemployed dudes in their mid-20s who live in their mothers' basements and are working on a double major in Jonah Hill movies and jaded sarcasm at Slacker University. Do not ask those people if you are pretty. You do not want to know the answer.

However, asking someone who truly knows you, loves you, and cares for you, whose opinion you respect and who wants the best for you, asking them to give you feedback can be an incredibly healthy and highly constructive thing. A father knows what is truly beautiful about his daughter. A mother knows what is potentially ugly about her son. A wife knows when her husband is most handsome, and a lifelong friend can be trusted to tell you when you are being kind of ugly and unlovely. Yes, ask them if you are pretty; that is fine. Their answer is likely worth listening to.

As members of God's family, we must be willing to ask the question, "Am I spiritually ugly? Am I reflecting the righteousness of Christ, or today, in the way I am thinking, acting and treating others, do I look like I've been hit with the ugly stick of sin?" As we have learned, the audience for this question makes all the difference. We can ask ourselves and we will see what we want to see, conveniently justifying everything unattractive. Or we can go to someone who knows us, someone who loves us, someone who wants what's best for us, and who can look well beyond what's on the surface and peer deep into our souls.