Right to Remain Silent Humor

Here is a little humor about the “right to remain silent.” Most of this comes from Homiletics Magazine, but I am open to finding more. 

Of course, not everyone who knows their rights is actually able to put them to use. In the movie Shrek 2, the donkey says, "What about my Miranda rights? You are supposed to say, 'You have the right to remain silent.' Nobody said I have the right to remain silent!" Shrek responds, "Donkey, you have the right to remain silent. What you lack is the capacity." We all know people like that. 

A woman sits down in a confessional booth, but says nothing. After a long silence, the priest says, "What can I do for you, my daughter?"

 She does not say a word.

 The priest prompts her, "You may begin by saying, 'Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.'"

 Still nothing. After a few more moments, the priest says, "I'm sorry, but I can't hear your confession if you're not going to say anything."

 "Whatever happened to the right to remain silent?" 

An officer pulls a man over. His wife is in the car with him.

 "What's the problem, officer?"

 "You were going at least 75 in a 55 miles-per-hour zone."

 "No sir, I don't think I was going over 55."

 "Oh Harry," says the man's wife, "you were going 80."

 The man gives his wife a dirty look.

 The officer continues: "Sir, I'm also going to give you a ticket for your broken tail light."

 "I have a broken tail light? I didn't know that!"

 His wife says, "Oh Harry, you've known about that tail light for weeks!"

 (Another dirty look.)

 The officer says, "I'm also going to give you a citation for not wearing your seat belt."

 "But officer, I just took it off when you were walking up to the car!"

 The wife again: "Oh Harry, you never wear your seat belt."

 By now Harry has had enough: "Shut your mouth, woman!"

 The cop, to the wife: "Ma'am, does your husband always talk to you this way?"

 "No, officer. Only when he is drunk."

 

A police officer pulls over a man who has been driving erratically.

 "Sir," the officer says, "I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube."

 "Sorry, officer, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. That could set off a really bad asthma attack."

 "Very well, then. I need you to come down to the station to give a blood sample."

 "Sorry, I cannot do that either. I am a hemophiliac. I would bleed all over the place."

 "Well, then, you can give a urine sample."

 "Sorry, no can do. I am also a diabetic. That could throw my blood sugar out of whack."

 "All right, we'll do it the old-fashioned way. Please step out of the car and walk this white line."

 "I can't do that, officer."

 "Why not?"

 "Because I'm too drunk to do that."

 The officer read him his rights.